


Not Me Anymore..

by Melinda_coulson



Series: Only know you love her when you let her go [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Philinda - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-13 02:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3364523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melinda_coulson/pseuds/Melinda_coulson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Philinda centric story with twists and a major surprise. Coulson  realises what may is to him, and what all she would do for him. Based between the "WRITING ON THE WALL' and' THE THINGS WE BURY'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ch-1

36 hours ago….  
The bus took off into the dusky sky, leaving behind a blazing ware house. Gradually the fire licking the tarnished walls, became smaller and smaller, finally being nothing more than a speck in the otherwise dark background. Despite this coulson couldn’t tear himself away from the window, because May was back there, she had to be. In spite of the fact that there was a huge explosion whose major brunt was borne by May and soon after fatal gas was released into the compound , which forced the team to evacuate, coulson still clinged on to the hope that May was alive, not because she was the cavalry, but because she was May.  
30 hours ago….  
In a few hours they once the gas was contained they re- visited the site, and after spending hours combing the scene they came across the mangled remains of a body, which Simmons on primary examination confirmed to be May’s. This time Coulson could actually feel the physical pain which squeezed his heart and he had to struggled to breath.  
Present  
After that they had returned to the base, how long ago he didn’t know. He had thought that he would feel anger , or pain, but no , all he felt was numb, and empty. For the hundredth time he thought about how unfair he had been to May. She had gone through this, all alone and if someone gave him a chance to bring her back today, he would do absolutely anything to make that happen. But everything they had of May was now kept in the lab downstairs. The biochemist not having yet conjured the strength to open it and treat it as ‘just science”. This was supposed to be an easy operation. The goal was only to steal some weapons from a hydra warehouse. The security was no match for may and trip and they had loaded all the weapons into the bus. Only then May had returned to help Simmons, who was struggling with the last box. That’s when hell broke loose and there were multiple explosions, may brought Simmons to safety but had come under a huge pillar that came down with the last explosion. By the time the team reached the site, the whole warehouse was in shambles and soon after the gas was released at which Simmons yanked them all back into the bus.  
A faint knock brought him back to the present. Wiping away the dampness on his face he turned around to see Fitz standing at the door.  
“Sir I did’t want to disturb you, but Mrs. May is here, and she insists on meeting you,” he said. Emphasizing on Mrs.  
I’ll be there in a minute. Coulson replied.  
As Fitz left coulson took a deep breath to calm himself, which hardly helped and headed downstairs.


	2. Ch-2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson deals with the other May.

He soon reached the hall where Mrs. May was seated and regretted not calling her to the privacy of his office as his vision blurred due to unshed tears. She was facing away from him, the stiff, straight posture reminding him of May, the thought that she would never be seen like that nearly braking him down again. But he couldn’t break. Not now when he had a mother whose daughter was killed not more than a few hours ago. Not when he had a team to lead and an organization to rebuild. And now he was truly alone in all this. Blocking these thoughts, Coulson made his way into the hall and took a seat across the visitor. He chose to stick to silence both because of being at a loss of words and also coz of not trusting his voice yet. Silence weighed heavily upon them, the dull and ill-lit room reflecting their mood.  
“Agent Coulson”, she acknowledged  
“Ma’am” was all he could manage.  
The silence once again stretched between them. Coulson was convinced that whatever he said would be insignificant, to him and to her, to her she was her only daughter and to him she was his best friend, or maybe even more………..but now he didn’t know if it actually mattered. Mrs. May’s voice was fixed, but he was sure about the turmoil inside. He was unable to meet her eyes, afraid of the detest, which he was sure existed, even if hidden.  
“I would like to take the body, I have a team whom I trust to run the tests on the body” she said after the long pause.  
“sure” he replied. Under normal circumstanced her would have argued about anyone questioning Simmons’s competence. But this was different, he owed her. A lot.  
“ As far as the funeral is concerned, quoilan would want something simple. No shield military honors required. I am sure she wouldn't have wanted to cause any more trouble to you, …all” she continued.  
This is when coulson summoned the courage to look at her.  
“May deserves every honors shield gives , she was everything Shield stands for,” coulson exclaimed  
He wasn’t sure if it was him being delusional or a trick of light but he saw a streak of pity on Mrs may’s face , which left as soon as it came. Was it for his incompetence or for loosing a dear friend he did’t know.  
“suit yourself’ she replied.  
Soon after, the body was collected, which was more of remains rather than a body. The lower body was twisted at an unnatural angle ,and more than half of the face obscured by ugly burn marks which made May hardly recognizable. He could see the relief on simmon’s face. Seeing the legendary Melinda May as mere shell and bones was painful enough without having to examine them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think of the story till now or how would you like to see it proceed. Working with Mrs. May was difficult as we saw very little of her so plz ignore if u find her 'Out of character'. And remember you comments and likes are more important than you think , so don't hesitate. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funeral......but is it required?? Read to find out...

The day was beautiful in all respects. Flowers bobbing in the early spring wind and the sky painted an alluring hue of coral from the sun hidden behind the mist.But that’s where the colours ended. Their faces were greyish and the only colour was the few bloodshot eyes.  
This was the third day since the fateful incident. Coulson was largely angry, angry at the world to be continuing as it was when nothing would be the same anymore. He could hear the constant sniffing from Skye, and the occasional whimper from Jemma who was clinging on to Trip’s arm. Trip to his credit had taken all of this like a real solider, but his posture was too rigid and his jaw was trembling from the pressure he put on them, and they had all decided to ignore the tears that streamed from Fitz’s eyes on more than one occasion.Even hunter for once had lost his inconsiderate demeanour,and standing beside Bobby he even looked a bit solemn. Bobby’s only give away was her unnaturally quick blinking and the clenched fists. The only person who seemed to have been trained among them was Mrs. May, she had a stoic expression on her face , which was nothing new for her.Maybe CIA training was better than SHIELD, and he was sure that May would have glared at him for this.  
Mack had taken it upon himself to make May’s casket which now lay in the freshly dug grave. The service finished quickly with complete military honours, on coulson’s insistance ,and everyone adorning the grave with flowers instead of words. May was never a person of words, maybe she would have liked this. But he knew that May liked lilies, not roses, and the last flower that fell on the grave was a red lily matching the colour of the sky above, followed by a single tear. 

As she sat in the car she saw the bright red flower fall on the grave of her daughter and the grieving man who stood above it. Even though she knew she couldn't ,her heart urged her to offer some kind of comfort to him, and the worst part was that she knew exactly what she could do, but she wasn't one of the best ex-agents for nothing. Her brain was a much better adviser, and all she could do was let out a pitiful sigh before pressing down on the acceleration.

The video feed she received was hazy, but she could recognise this contour anywhere. The broad shoulders, toned arms and the slowly balding head all wrapped in a suit was a scene synonymous to comfort for her. But today, seeing him like this, with his head hung low and brooding face, she couldn't handle it, specially after being the reason for his despair. She turned away, but not before a tear had made its way to her chin and fell on to the desk .Maybe she wasn't an ICE QUEEN after all…..

**Author's Note:**

> I just feel that this may be a bit long. And remember that your like and reviews are more important than you think..so please don't forget to post them. :)


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